Sharples hits out at Willcocks second serve

David Sharples, a regular fluffer of his backhand volley, had the gall to issue unsolicited side-swipes at skipper Roger Willcocks. The outburst was prompted by Willcocks' backspin drop serve.

"I was stunned," commented the wily accountant. "Serving into an icy wind of polar force, an exceptional gust caused the normally metronomic Willcocks delivery to come off the top of the frame and cross the net at what the speed gun timed at two miles per hour, whereupon a further blast of hurricane force hurled it into the opponent’s side of the net, leaving the receiver sprawling in an undignified heap at the base of the netpost."

In what team-mates felt was a pathetic show of cowardice, Sharples referred to returns from such serves as "missiles thudding into my testicles."

Sharples is new to the cut-and-thrust of Magdalen Park Vth team tennis and is struggling to grasp some of the basics of competitive men's doubles.