Magdalen Park kitchens under drugs fire

Top players in Magdalen Park Vth team - alert at all times to the dangers of inadvertently exposing their organically sculpted body to performance enhancing drugs - are threatening to boycott the club kitchen.

"It was with horror that I learned that nandrolone occurs naturally in horse and boar liver," queried David "serve-and-volley" Sharples. "We are forced to ask whether or not it is genuinely pure coincidence that horse liver toasties in great quantities have recently replaced the highly popular turkey club sandwiches on the Club's Saturday luncheon menu."

Dave the Catering Manager was less than robust, but affable in his defence. "I may or may not have a job next season. What's important is the club, the team and the fans. Horse liver is very popular in Rome."