Gavin Rose out gambling in Newmarket
In breaking news, it transpired that Gavin "odds-on" Rose, picked by beleaguered skipper Roger Willcocks to play against South Croydon, was out fluttering at Newmarket instead of covering the net in Croydon.

Colleagues are outraged by Rose's attitude. "He must have known it was a tough fixture, but we all sympathise that some habits are hard to kick." Rose's defence is flimsy: "I didn't hear the starter's orders."