Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Have you seen any of these at Magdalen Park?
Something a bit like these Nandrolone tabs was spotted in one of the coaches' bags, but our investigator was fobbed off with the comment: "They're vitamin pills, buster!" The coach in question then served at 145 mph and put away the service return with a through the legs volley - a Magdalen Park first.
For more on these little helpers...
Something a bit like these Nandrolone tabs was spotted in one of the coaches' bags, but our investigator was fobbed off with the comment: "They're vitamin pills, buster!" The coach in question then served at 145 mph and put away the service return with a through the legs volley - a Magdalen Park first.
For more on these little helpers...
Friday, March 19, 2004
Magdalen Park Tennis Club Vth Team: official Winter season 2003-4 results
Dec 8th: vs. West Norwood Magdalen Park Vth Won 3-1
Feb 8th: vs. Sanderstead Magdalen Park Vth Won 3-1
Feb 23rd: vs. Ember Magdalen Park Vth Won 4-0
Mar 7th: vs. Horley Magdalen Park Won (Walkover)
Mar 15th: vs. Downs Magdalen Park Won 3-1
Dec 8th: vs. West Norwood Magdalen Park Vth Won 3-1
Feb 8th: vs. Sanderstead Magdalen Park Vth Won 3-1
Feb 23rd: vs. Ember Magdalen Park Vth Won 4-0
Mar 7th: vs. Horley Magdalen Park Won (Walkover)
Mar 15th: vs. Downs Magdalen Park Won 3-1
Monday, March 15, 2004
Adamson quits, heads north, on a high.
Vth team colleagues were saddened by the sudden news that serve-and volley ace, Jon Adamson, is hanging up his racquets at the prime of his career with the Magdalen Park Vth Team. He is off to Milton Keynes where the tennis is more uncertain to pursue other "more pressing" matters.
"It's nothing personal," said the fabled schoolmaster, "you just know when the time is right."
Rumours about Adamson's overall fitness have abounded for a while and his two performances last season were coincidentally either side of Christmas. "His service was impeccable and he was a very energetic partner," said bereaved mixed doubles partner VJ Lowe. "I shall have to find a new one," she added.
So, farewell, Jon Adamson.
You had your moments at the net.
And at the baseline.
Your backhand had more slices than a packet of bacon.
What really worked, though,
Was the thunderous rush to the net.
A rhino on heat.
A wildebeest riled.
Enjoy Milton Keynes.
Vth team colleagues were saddened by the sudden news that serve-and volley ace, Jon Adamson, is hanging up his racquets at the prime of his career with the Magdalen Park Vth Team. He is off to Milton Keynes where the tennis is more uncertain to pursue other "more pressing" matters.
"It's nothing personal," said the fabled schoolmaster, "you just know when the time is right."
Rumours about Adamson's overall fitness have abounded for a while and his two performances last season were coincidentally either side of Christmas. "His service was impeccable and he was a very energetic partner," said bereaved mixed doubles partner VJ Lowe. "I shall have to find a new one," she added.
So, farewell, Jon Adamson.
You had your moments at the net.
And at the baseline.
Your backhand had more slices than a packet of bacon.
What really worked, though,
Was the thunderous rush to the net.
A rhino on heat.
A wildebeest riled.
Enjoy Milton Keynes.
Magdalen Park Vth are Champions!
The Vth team rode out triumphant in Surrey League M East with a remarkable 5-0 record. Skipper Willcocks, returning from a family trip to Brussels when he received the exciting text, tossed his luggage into the air by way of celebration. "We knocked the buggers off," he said, emotionally.
"It's been a tough season and we pay hommage to the all the other teams who endured the wind, rain and snow. Plus, a huge thanks to the fans who turned out in climes fair and foul to give our lads that much-needed boost."
Analysts praised Magdalen Park Vth's aggressive, yet conservative playing style as well as its cocktail of unorthodox techniques that combine in such an exhilerating fashion. Brad Gilbert, the coaching guru, was unavailable for comment.
The championship means, yet again, that the fast-improving Vth team will have deservedly better tennis than Magdalen Park IVth team next Winter. "Yah boo sucks," said lifetime Vth team fan and Sheffield-based funster, Liz Brennan.
The Vth team rode out triumphant in Surrey League M East with a remarkable 5-0 record. Skipper Willcocks, returning from a family trip to Brussels when he received the exciting text, tossed his luggage into the air by way of celebration. "We knocked the buggers off," he said, emotionally.
"It's been a tough season and we pay hommage to the all the other teams who endured the wind, rain and snow. Plus, a huge thanks to the fans who turned out in climes fair and foul to give our lads that much-needed boost."
Analysts praised Magdalen Park Vth's aggressive, yet conservative playing style as well as its cocktail of unorthodox techniques that combine in such an exhilerating fashion. Brad Gilbert, the coaching guru, was unavailable for comment.
The championship means, yet again, that the fast-improving Vth team will have deservedly better tennis than Magdalen Park IVth team next Winter. "Yah boo sucks," said lifetime Vth team fan and Sheffield-based funster, Liz Brennan.
Magdalen Park grinds out title-clinching win in the wind and the rain.
Magdalen Park Vth battled for their fourth win of the season to take the title. The appropriately named Downs players were toppled 3-1 in a characteristic no frills victory in the rain. Three balls were lost.
It was solid serve-and-volley duo David Sharples and Jon Adamson who grasped the brunt of the laurels, winning their rubbers in a workman-like display 7-5, 6-2 and 6-4, 6-4.
Meanwhile, Paulo Schmetzer and Marcus Clay came back from 1 set and 3-0 down to nick their first rubber. Sadly, though, after this sterling effort, their force was spent.
Magdalen Park Vth battled for their fourth win of the season to take the title. The appropriately named Downs players were toppled 3-1 in a characteristic no frills victory in the rain. Three balls were lost.
It was solid serve-and-volley duo David Sharples and Jon Adamson who grasped the brunt of the laurels, winning their rubbers in a workman-like display 7-5, 6-2 and 6-4, 6-4.
Meanwhile, Paulo Schmetzer and Marcus Clay came back from 1 set and 3-0 down to nick their first rubber. Sadly, though, after this sterling effort, their force was spent.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Schmetzer cleared but the mystery remains
Authorities last night gave Magdalen Park tennis ace Paulo "foul mouth" Schmetzer the all-clear regarding his alleged use of performance-enhancing drugs. Schmetzer's cups and mugs revealed unusual amounts of alcohol, but no nandrilone.
Experts will be analysing Dave the Barman's secret cupboard following careless whispers of "spiked drinks" from Vth team opponents who fell asleep waiting for a Marcus Clay second serve.
Authorities last night gave Magdalen Park tennis ace Paulo "foul mouth" Schmetzer the all-clear regarding his alleged use of performance-enhancing drugs. Schmetzer's cups and mugs revealed unusual amounts of alcohol, but no nandrilone.
Experts will be analysing Dave the Barman's secret cupboard following careless whispers of "spiked drinks" from Vth team opponents who fell asleep waiting for a Marcus Clay second serve.
Magdalen Park Vth stunned by skipper injury shock
Vth team faithful were reeling yesterday at the news that tireless skipper, Roger Willcocks, was out for the rest of the season after an elective bilateral unquinal hernia repair operation using state-of-the-art laparoscopic ("keyhole") surgery.
Willcocks played down the affair: "It's just three teeny holes in my belly and all I felt was a little prick. Besides, we've got a strong squad and it creates opportunities for some of the other lads to excel."
A doctor from St. George's Hospital said: "He'll be back at the net before you know it."
Vth team faithful were reeling yesterday at the news that tireless skipper, Roger Willcocks, was out for the rest of the season after an elective bilateral unquinal hernia repair operation using state-of-the-art laparoscopic ("keyhole") surgery.
Willcocks played down the affair: "It's just three teeny holes in my belly and all I felt was a little prick. Besides, we've got a strong squad and it creates opportunities for some of the other lads to excel."
A doctor from St. George's Hospital said: "He'll be back at the net before you know it."
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Championship far from secure claims Willcocks
Spurred by a superfically encouraging 4-0 position in the tight "N" Eastern Surrey League, Vth team skipper Roger Willcocks refused to face up to the maths. "Look: tennis is a game of two halves and it ain't all over till the fat lady serves. Now is the time when we should we be looking at our performance, our commitment and our net play. If anything, the pressure has mounted. People have blown bigger leads."
The crunch comes on March 14th - a tricky away game against Downs. Victory means the Vth keeps its prized Winter ranking above bitter club rivals Magdalen IV.
Spurred by a superfically encouraging 4-0 position in the tight "N" Eastern Surrey League, Vth team skipper Roger Willcocks refused to face up to the maths. "Look: tennis is a game of two halves and it ain't all over till the fat lady serves. Now is the time when we should we be looking at our performance, our commitment and our net play. If anything, the pressure has mounted. People have blown bigger leads."
The crunch comes on March 14th - a tricky away game against Downs. Victory means the Vth keeps its prized Winter ranking above bitter club rivals Magdalen IV.
Saturday, March 06, 2004
Sharples hits out at Willcocks second serve
David Sharples, a regular fluffer of his backhand volley, had the gall to issue unsolicited side-swipes at skipper Roger Willcocks. The outburst was prompted by Willcocks' backspin drop serve.
"I was stunned," commented the wily accountant. "Serving into an icy wind of polar force, an exceptional gust caused the normally metronomic Willcocks delivery to come off the top of the frame and cross the net at what the speed gun timed at two miles per hour, whereupon a further blast of hurricane force hurled it into the opponent’s side of the net, leaving the receiver sprawling in an undignified heap at the base of the netpost."
In what team-mates felt was a pathetic show of cowardice, Sharples referred to returns from such serves as "missiles thudding into my testicles."
Sharples is new to the cut-and-thrust of Magdalen Park Vth team tennis and is struggling to grasp some of the basics of competitive men's doubles.
David Sharples, a regular fluffer of his backhand volley, had the gall to issue unsolicited side-swipes at skipper Roger Willcocks. The outburst was prompted by Willcocks' backspin drop serve.
"I was stunned," commented the wily accountant. "Serving into an icy wind of polar force, an exceptional gust caused the normally metronomic Willcocks delivery to come off the top of the frame and cross the net at what the speed gun timed at two miles per hour, whereupon a further blast of hurricane force hurled it into the opponent’s side of the net, leaving the receiver sprawling in an undignified heap at the base of the netpost."
In what team-mates felt was a pathetic show of cowardice, Sharples referred to returns from such serves as "missiles thudding into my testicles."
Sharples is new to the cut-and-thrust of Magdalen Park Vth team tennis and is struggling to grasp some of the basics of competitive men's doubles.
Horley crumble, collapse and concede victory to Magdalen Park
Was it the snow? Plain lack of organisation? Or Magdalen Park Vth team's reputation for tough, no-frills tennis? The details will be lost in the minutiae of history and the Vth team juggernaut will totter on...
Marcus Clay was cheated of a record straight appearances. Disappointed, but relieved: "To be perfectly frank, I'm knackered. The season has practically lasted all winter." Paulo Schmetzer, an opportunistic sales professional, tasted victory: "Does this means we won the league?" No, Paulo, you've got more work to do.
Was it the snow? Plain lack of organisation? Or Magdalen Park Vth team's reputation for tough, no-frills tennis? The details will be lost in the minutiae of history and the Vth team juggernaut will totter on...
Marcus Clay was cheated of a record straight appearances. Disappointed, but relieved: "To be perfectly frank, I'm knackered. The season has practically lasted all winter." Paulo Schmetzer, an opportunistic sales professional, tasted victory: "Does this means we won the league?" No, Paulo, you've got more work to do.
