Monday, July 26, 2004
Sharples not for sale, quibbles IVth team skipper Scarles
David "yellow jacket" Sharples, back from "un etage" at the Tour de France, was embroiled in a bitter power struggle between Magdalen's IVth and Vth team. Poached unceremoniously by the IVth team over the winter, Sharples has only been picked once, having been a regular with the Vth team.
"If I'm elected to run the IVth team," hapless Vth team skipper Willcocks was over-heard mumbling at the Magdalen bar, "Sharples would play every game. It's tragic that a talent like his is side-lined on Pyrennean by-roads."
Tennis analysts claim that Sharples' penchant for mixed doubles spoils his game. "He plays too many wristy shots," commented resident expert Amir Syed. "Wrist or not," responded Willcocks, "he gets 'em in."
David "yellow jacket" Sharples, back from "un etage" at the Tour de France, was embroiled in a bitter power struggle between Magdalen's IVth and Vth team. Poached unceremoniously by the IVth team over the winter, Sharples has only been picked once, having been a regular with the Vth team.
"If I'm elected to run the IVth team," hapless Vth team skipper Willcocks was over-heard mumbling at the Magdalen bar, "Sharples would play every game. It's tragic that a talent like his is side-lined on Pyrennean by-roads."
Tennis analysts claim that Sharples' penchant for mixed doubles spoils his game. "He plays too many wristy shots," commented resident expert Amir Syed. "Wrist or not," responded Willcocks, "he gets 'em in."
Roger Willcocks under fire in Magdalen Clubhouse
Struggling in the second singles' league and staring at a W1-L2 start to the summer, Roger Willcocks' prospects look bleak. Magdalen's Vth team has traditionally been buoyed by crisp organisation, but the cock-up with Rose & Raz has potentially put paid to Magdalen's season.
Insiders are unhappy about Willcocks' team selection and his questionable appointment of team-mate Marcus Clay as Skipper for the two losing fixtures. "Marcus is jinxed," said one expert.
Willcocks is spending time with his family as he contemplates his future. No more fixtures will be played until September whilst Magdalen regroups and girds its loins. "I'm committed to staying in Wandsworth: the Vth team has a great future."
Struggling in the second singles' league and staring at a W1-L2 start to the summer, Roger Willcocks' prospects look bleak. Magdalen's Vth team has traditionally been buoyed by crisp organisation, but the cock-up with Rose & Raz has potentially put paid to Magdalen's season.
Insiders are unhappy about Willcocks' team selection and his questionable appointment of team-mate Marcus Clay as Skipper for the two losing fixtures. "Marcus is jinxed," said one expert.
Willcocks is spending time with his family as he contemplates his future. No more fixtures will be played until September whilst Magdalen regroups and girds its loins. "I'm committed to staying in Wandsworth: the Vth team has a great future."
Gavin Rose out gambling in Newmarket
In breaking news, it transpired that Gavin "odds-on" Rose, picked by beleaguered skipper Roger Willcocks to play against South Croydon, was out fluttering at Newmarket instead of covering the net in Croydon.
Colleagues are outraged by Rose's attitude. "He must have known it was a tough fixture, but we all sympathise that some habits are hard to kick." Rose's defence is flimsy: "I didn't hear the starter's orders."
In breaking news, it transpired that Gavin "odds-on" Rose, picked by beleaguered skipper Roger Willcocks to play against South Croydon, was out fluttering at Newmarket instead of covering the net in Croydon.
Colleagues are outraged by Rose's attitude. "He must have known it was a tough fixture, but we all sympathise that some habits are hard to kick." Rose's defence is flimsy: "I didn't hear the starter's orders."
Repercussions rampant in Magdalen Park locker-room
Magdalen's dismal start to the summer season has rocked the team to its foundations. Morale is rock-botton, commitment wavers and forehands are crumbling.
"Basically, the squad is not firing on all cylinders," said former Vth team star Alex Gardener. "Willcocks does not know what his best team is. With all that talent, he should be able to select four players who can win a tennis match."
Maybe not, Alex.
Magdalen's dismal start to the summer season has rocked the team to its foundations. Morale is rock-botton, commitment wavers and forehands are crumbling.
"Basically, the squad is not firing on all cylinders," said former Vth team star Alex Gardener. "Willcocks does not know what his best team is. With all that talent, he should be able to select four players who can win a tennis match."
Maybe not, Alex.
Magdalen Park walloped by South Croydon
Magdalen Park had a bit of a botched job, really, Poor organisation, bad luck, sunny weather and ropey cross-courts cost Magdalen's Vth team dearly.
Marcus Clay and Farouk Razvi, a surprise last-minute substitution for truant Gavin Rose, blew two rubbers without breaking a sweat (1-6, 3-6 and 3-6, 4-6). Messrs. Good and Wakefield snagged a consolation rubber, but were bundled out 4-6, 1-6 by Croydon's first pair.
"Maybe we should have played the telco twins together," suggested one pundit. Orange is Good and BT is Clay.
Magdalen Park had a bit of a botched job, really, Poor organisation, bad luck, sunny weather and ropey cross-courts cost Magdalen's Vth team dearly.
Marcus Clay and Farouk Razvi, a surprise last-minute substitution for truant Gavin Rose, blew two rubbers without breaking a sweat (1-6, 3-6 and 3-6, 4-6). Messrs. Good and Wakefield snagged a consolation rubber, but were bundled out 4-6, 1-6 by Croydon's first pair.
"Maybe we should have played the telco twins together," suggested one pundit. Orange is Good and BT is Clay.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Magdalen romp past Downs in 4
Magdalen Park Vth team broke its season's duck with a compelling display of hard court tennis, winning the match 4-0 amidst varying and often encouraging weather conditions. With Paulo Schmetzer and Roger Willcocks both playing, it was clear that a) they would not be playing together after past dismal joint outings and b) there would be a lot of noise and flailing of rackets.
Schmetzer and Marcus Clay were outstanding, winning their first rubber 6-2, 7-6 whilst Matthew Wakefield and Roger Willcocks heaved to 6-2, 6-4, 6-2. Clay and Schmetzer then hit the floor and blanked Downs' hapless second pair 6-0, 6-0 (no doubt thoroughly disheartened having lost in three to the Two Ws just when it seemed they were back in it).
"Let's face it," grinned Clay, "a brace of doughnuts is a stupendous result at any level, let alone in Surrey N."
The Two Ws grimly ground out a 6-7, 7-5, 6-4 victory over Downs' 1st pair to conclude the fray. Wakefield admitted privately after the match: "I didn't really impose myself at the net." Observers were impressed, however, by his classic serve-and-lob game.
Magdalen Park Vth team broke its season's duck with a compelling display of hard court tennis, winning the match 4-0 amidst varying and often encouraging weather conditions. With Paulo Schmetzer and Roger Willcocks both playing, it was clear that a) they would not be playing together after past dismal joint outings and b) there would be a lot of noise and flailing of rackets.
Schmetzer and Marcus Clay were outstanding, winning their first rubber 6-2, 7-6 whilst Matthew Wakefield and Roger Willcocks heaved to 6-2, 6-4, 6-2. Clay and Schmetzer then hit the floor and blanked Downs' hapless second pair 6-0, 6-0 (no doubt thoroughly disheartened having lost in three to the Two Ws just when it seemed they were back in it).
"Let's face it," grinned Clay, "a brace of doughnuts is a stupendous result at any level, let alone in Surrey N."
The Two Ws grimly ground out a 6-7, 7-5, 6-4 victory over Downs' 1st pair to conclude the fray. Wakefield admitted privately after the match: "I didn't really impose myself at the net." Observers were impressed, however, by his classic serve-and-lob game.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Schmetzer ancestor was German Referee shock
The tennis world of Magdalen Park was rocked by the revelation that an alleged forebear of tennis talent Paulo Schmetzer was none other than German referee Emil Schmetzer, who officiated at a World Cup game in Swizterland (yes, Switzerland) in 1954. In that game, according to the records, England went into the lead after 91 mins, only to see the Belgians nick a draw via a last-minute own goal under questionable circumstances.
Magdalen Park is reviewing Mr. Schmetzer's membership. "We will stand by Paulo," said Vth team Skipper Willcocks. "His commitment is immaculate and we don't care where he comes from. Where does he come from, anyway?"
Paulo cannot spell Urs Meier.
The tennis world of Magdalen Park was rocked by the revelation that an alleged forebear of tennis talent Paulo Schmetzer was none other than German referee Emil Schmetzer, who officiated at a World Cup game in Swizterland (yes, Switzerland) in 1954. In that game, according to the records, England went into the lead after 91 mins, only to see the Belgians nick a draw via a last-minute own goal under questionable circumstances.
Magdalen Park is reviewing Mr. Schmetzer's membership. "We will stand by Paulo," said Vth team Skipper Willcocks. "His commitment is immaculate and we don't care where he comes from. Where does he come from, anyway?"
Paulo cannot spell Urs Meier.
Vth tennis team must make first serves
Hundreds of pence have changed hands during the off-season for top new talent who have yet to deliver. Dressing room dissent about selection strategy and so-called tinkering abound after a poor start to the summer. Experts question David Sharples' release: predictably, he can't seem to get a game in elsewhere.
"Players should all shut up and make some first serves," said tight-lipped skippper Willcocks.
Hundreds of pence have changed hands during the off-season for top new talent who have yet to deliver. Dressing room dissent about selection strategy and so-called tinkering abound after a poor start to the summer. Experts question David Sharples' release: predictably, he can't seem to get a game in elsewhere.
"Players should all shut up and make some first serves," said tight-lipped skippper Willcocks.
Schmetzer challenges Vth team tennis strategy
"How come I only get picked for a tennis game when I have a big night the night before?" Answers on a post card.
"How come I only get picked for a tennis game when I have a big night the night before?" Answers on a post card.
Fitness regime and dodgy tennis tactics questioned as Sutton sneak 3-1 win
It was a tennis match the form books said should have been a shoo-in. Gavin Rose - "Oh rose thou art sick" - and Matthew "bill by the minute" Wakefield both claimed a flimsy training regime and a demanding singles league scheduled had undermined their doubles game. "A pathetic excuse," said Coach Willcocks. "They were available enough to do paid work 9-5 and enjoy long lunches." The pair lost two three-setters, panting to the last.
Marcus "heavy" Clay and Graeme "not so" Goode, a virgin pairing, were promptly deflowered 6-2, 6-3, but rebounded to win their next rubber 7-6, 6-1. "We'd never played together before, let alone knocked up," muttered Goode. "Who picks these teams and on what basis?"
It was a tennis match the form books said should have been a shoo-in. Gavin Rose - "Oh rose thou art sick" - and Matthew "bill by the minute" Wakefield both claimed a flimsy training regime and a demanding singles league scheduled had undermined their doubles game. "A pathetic excuse," said Coach Willcocks. "They were available enough to do paid work 9-5 and enjoy long lunches." The pair lost two three-setters, panting to the last.
Marcus "heavy" Clay and Graeme "not so" Goode, a virgin pairing, were promptly deflowered 6-2, 6-3, but rebounded to win their next rubber 7-6, 6-1. "We'd never played together before, let alone knocked up," muttered Goode. "Who picks these teams and on what basis?"
Rain bails out South Croydon from certain defeat
Magdalen Park were poised to run away with things until it's winter ally - the weather - turned the tables and put a wet blanket on proceedings.
Clay and Rose blew the first set when Gavin Rose, late substitute, gashed his knee and struggled with a tourniquet to stem the crimson tide. Astonishingly, the Magdalen Park duo came back from 5-3 and two match points down to nail the second set 7-5. South Croydon were spent: mentally exhasuted, they crashed 6-1 in the third.
The reverse was true in the other rubber. Paulo Hungover and Matthew Wakeslow blitzed the opposition taking the first set easily 6-1 in 20 minutes. "What happened next defied the imagination," wailed Clay, skipper on the day. "How attacking talent like that can simply give up the ghost astonishes me!" Paulo and Matthew were hit off the court 4-6, 3-6 in the remaining rubbers.
The result, of course, was never in doubt. The rains come, though, and put the matter off. Battle recommences at the end of July.
Magdalen Park were poised to run away with things until it's winter ally - the weather - turned the tables and put a wet blanket on proceedings.
Clay and Rose blew the first set when Gavin Rose, late substitute, gashed his knee and struggled with a tourniquet to stem the crimson tide. Astonishingly, the Magdalen Park duo came back from 5-3 and two match points down to nail the second set 7-5. South Croydon were spent: mentally exhasuted, they crashed 6-1 in the third.
The reverse was true in the other rubber. Paulo Hungover and Matthew Wakeslow blitzed the opposition taking the first set easily 6-1 in 20 minutes. "What happened next defied the imagination," wailed Clay, skipper on the day. "How attacking talent like that can simply give up the ghost astonishes me!" Paulo and Matthew were hit off the court 4-6, 3-6 in the remaining rubbers.
The result, of course, was never in doubt. The rains come, though, and put the matter off. Battle recommences at the end of July.
